February 24, 2017
It's been a week since The Donald's marathon LameStream Media beat-down Press Conference and while Jake Tapper, Wolf Blitzer, Chuck Todd and Shepard Smith are still harrumphing and "Well, I never"-ing, we Americans are laughing our asses off. There is something completely satisfying about seeing belligerent blowhards getting served a heaping helping of crow. But it's more than that. Watch messaging master Bill Whittle on the genius of Trump's Greatest Show On Earth in how he demolished the "Very Fake News" press by fighting back in a way they've never seen before. I haven't had that much fun since election day.
In other news, Pres. Trump announced the sale of California to Mexico this week. Trump noted that this deal, which he claims "is his largest real estate deal ever" is a win-win for everyone involved. He plans to use the proceeds received by the US from Mexico to 1) pay for the Wall (fulfilling yet another campaign promise), a wall which will now include the length of the eastern border of California, 2) fund all the infrastructure spending in the remaining 49 states and 3) pay to relocate the 67 Republicans that currently reside in California. He also noted that Federal money saved from the reduction of California citizens on US social programs will allow those programs to be cash positive in less than 3 years. California residents will be issued special blue cards to cross the boarder into the US so that the total number of California liberals entering the US can be tracked and at any point in time not exceed predetermined levels. Residents that remain in California after the effective date of the sale will not be allowed to seek refugee status in the US in the future. Trump wrapped up his statement stating, "this deal is HUGE and will help Make America, albeit a little smaller, Great Again."
Anybody else notice that Nancy Pelosi is starting to sound like the crazy shopping cart lady in the subway? It's ironic that the same people voicing such grave concern over Donald Trump's mental health don't notice the sweet irony of having Nancy speak on their behalf. While Nancy has never been a particularly articulate speaker, lately she's been reduced to even more of a babbling, incoherent mess.
In a related story, a major research institution has just announced the discovery of the densest element yet known to science. The new element has been named Pelosium. The chemical symbol of Pelosium is Pu. Pelosium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311. These particles are held together by dark particles called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Pelosium's mass actually increases over time, as morons randomly interact with various elements in the atmosphere and become assistant deputy neutrons within the Pelosium molecule, leading to the formation of isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientist to believe that Pelosium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass. Scientists point out that Pelosium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction where it is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how Pelosium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising.
Finally, Sunday night is the Oscars. Instead of another night filled with anti-Trump screeds from virtue-signaling, butt-hurt celebutards, I plan to watch the SnowFlake Awards.